Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
