Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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