The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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