I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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