I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
