can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
