her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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