"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
