I CAN MOONWALK!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
