Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
