i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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