We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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