The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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