I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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