Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
