me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
