Umm I'm too high to move.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
