Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
