he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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