Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think your dad took our porno
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
