my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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