did you get engaged???
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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