I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
