It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
