What a fucking waste of an outfit
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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