I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
