i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
