I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
