I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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