one two three fourrrrnication!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
