You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
