hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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