just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize