Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
