dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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