Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Hippo gnu deer
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize