idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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