Jerry, you need to find god
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
