yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
