At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
