I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
