his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
