The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
