One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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