I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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