I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
