I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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