Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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