haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
