I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
