I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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