An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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