I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize