a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i now understand why vodka
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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