I can text with my tongue
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Say something about gay babies.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
