Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
