i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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