Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
