Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
