So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
