glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
