I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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