Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
