It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hippo gnu deer
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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