so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just tell him i said nine months
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
