After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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