please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
