my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She bit a glass in half.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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