we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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