I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
