just come out here and I will go home with you...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
