farters have to be the big spoon...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize