chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's never too late to be topless.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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