Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
