yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
