I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
