I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
