he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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