direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
this boner is exhausting
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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