Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
nutella sex= disaster
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
