i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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